i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
