I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
