I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
