We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
