Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
