When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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