be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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