I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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