farters have to be the big spoon...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
