some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
