If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
