just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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