My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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