You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
