Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
