remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
