You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
