the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
