Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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