This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
