man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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