I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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