My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
