she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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