I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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