he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
