so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
