Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
