At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
