I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
