The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
