Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Shame - the story of my life.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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