i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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