things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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