I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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