I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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