We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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