I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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