So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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