He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
