Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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