you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
