he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
