then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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