I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
