Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A+ Viking dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
