remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
