it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
