His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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