i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need a beard to bite.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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