I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
